the life and death of dimitri

[judih]

yes, Lw. the smallest step away from outer turmoil and towards an inner calm makes all the difference.

Morning meditation and a few recharges throughout the day could change the direction of history. i truly believe it.

[senorsalvia]

Ya know, there are so many gems in the thread, it is really really cool....  All the philosophical theorizing, all the great distillation into quotable quotes...etc etc---------------  Great Great thread====  carry on peeps   ----------------  sal

[space]

Right on, judih!

Tstt and I have had a similar discussion concerning the way tiny changes in perceptions can drastically alter one's beliefs/actions.

lw

Amen, judih, lw.  

[judih, I've heard a variation of that story from an Orthodox friend, son of a rabbi...in his version, the fellow asks his Rabbi for advice and the Rabbi tells him to move in the chickens.  The next day the guy says that didn't help, and the Rabbi tells him to move in the cows.  This continues for a week or so.  Then, after all the livestock are in the house, he tells him to move them all out, and the fellow is astonished at how big his house has become.  Great story in either version...]

I've alluded to multiple escapades--my li'l mantra, 'burnt, shot, beaten and stabbed'--but the sense I've been left with is great good fortune:  sometimes I look back at all I've survived, and I think I must be the luckiest man in the world.  

I didn't expect to survive my yourth, took risks many people thought were insane...and yet here I am, mid 50s, pressing the spine surgeon to agree that I can attend tree climbing school next spring if all goes well.

Like my regular doc says, "Every day above ground is a good day."  

My Dad once told me, "I know you can fall into a vat of shit and come out smelling like a rose, but that doesn't mean you have to jump in the shit everytime you step in it!"    

Like he had room to talk:  he was sprung from an orphanage at age 10 by his older brother (13), and they spent the Depression hopping rails.  I don't know if they were truly the "Greatest Generation"--but they were definitely tough as nails.

[Green2Herman]

yes, Lw. the smallest step away from outer turmoil and towards an inner calm makes all the difference.

Morning meditation and a few recharges throughout the day could change the direction of history. i truly believe it.

If we feel positive and act positive to the people around us we change how they feel and have made a change. That could very likely even affect such events that in the history after often are regarded as "large". People often talk about going back in history and shoot Hitler but maybe it could be enough to back and give him some knowledge about how to deal with the post-traumatic-stress from WI and similar problems that he might have had.

[Veracohr]

I'm afraid I didn't really get anything out of the Tibetan Book of the Dead. I guess I just didn't relate to it.

You know, the title of this thread startled me for a moment. I thought it meant Dimitri from Deoxy.org was dead.

[subversal]

I have been reading a few threads here, there, and around.  I declined to revive any.  But fitting out of all of them I'd choose this particular topic.

Ever since my first 5-meo-dmt (refered to as 5) nearly 6 years ago I have wreslted with Eternal Doubt.  

I have experimented and used various other tryptamines(like)(n,ndmt;amt;5meoamt,psilo,lsd) as merely recreational prior to 5.  Though these latter substances induced differing stages of realization I never felt I was anywhere near understanding.  

(Backstory)
I grew up with little knowledge of Buddhism with what little my Japanese-intergrated mother shared.  As a child I inquired about being and who I was.  I felt since an early coincindental memory at 5 year's old about dying and awaking as someone else somewhere else.  My name perplexed me.  

Was that who I was?  Was this body me?  

But as I grew older these and other thoughts were set aside as I began to bolster the illusion attaching a name and body.  My mother passed away when I was 15 and from that point on I have been doing things on my own, making a lot of mistakes without much guidance.  At 16 I got into entheogenic use after having reoccuring dreams of my mother alive.  She was doing well in a new apartment where I would visit her.  After some time the dreams faded into memory and I knew she was in a better place.  Heaven didn't seem to fit, it was beyond words and ideas.

A few years passed and I got into ayahuasca.   My first brew was caapi with hostilis/chaliponga.  My visions centered around mostly childhood memories.  One outstanding particular memory brought me back to 4-6 years old on the living room floor playing with my sister.  My mother was sitting on the couch looking out a window.  I looked up and caught her eye's reflected in the window.  At that moment those feelings some years earlier of her being "alright" were verified.  Not so much that she was in Heaven or Nirvana ... but I knew she lived within me and I in her.  Our set of eyes became one.  And this coalesced into a cascading pattern... mandalas etc.  Distancing, seperation, freedom, unity.

Now back to 5...

Lo and behold one day I am graciously bestowed with 5.  That first experience is still the one that all other experiences are measured upon.  Nothing cut to the core, Manjushri's sword had severed my head and I lay bathed in anuttara samyak sambodhi.  I won't go into detail because there is nothing to describe.  Afterwards my yearning for Buddhism almost spontaneously occured.  Concepts I never read or heard were innate.  And with this I inquired into as much spiritual mumbo-jumbo I could get my hands on, including the TBD.  Much like a child who learns to ride a bike, one wants to ride on forever.  So I delved deep into Tibetan Bu., Zen Bu, Sufism, Advaita etc.  The message was clear and all lead to the One.

I began practicing meditation... sitting, lying, walking.  Samadhi.  Hoping to finally integrate what I believed to be my enlightenment.  The harder I attempted the further I went astray.  Mentally I was extremely depressed, I lost my job, lived on the streets for nearly a year.  

Inquiring constantly on what went wrong and was it all just an hallucination...  the thoughts bound in me as I became a modern mendicant.  What else to do?  And I was happy without a home, living freely, practicing what I thought was the bodhisattva path.  Again I fell into delusion forcing this life upon myself in attempts to break away from who I was.  Pride is a funny thing and playing the martyr was just more attachment.  Woe is me I thought at my life... such indignation.  People suffering far worse than I and I want a damned cookie for my needless austerities.  Another realization.  I humbled myself and asked for help.  Help came and I moved to Florida.

I guess my point could have been stated with less words , but I have learned to just do instead attempt.  All books and knowledge of such kind are the finger pointing at the moon.  Ancient purple monkey dishwasher sutras/scriptures become modern and the message is not the point.  I have thought about becoming a monk, then the question "Who taught the Buddha?" pops in an out.  I ebb for a master and flow for independence.  The watercourse way leads between.  Selflessness and compassion, forbearance and vigor, charity and wisdom.  
I have rambled on long enough.  Some may understand some may not.  I write.

"When our thoughts are on others , to free them from their misery."  

"To think is to confine yourself to a sole thought that one day shines still like a star in the sky"

Everything is a distraction, remain clear and receptive.  Visions manifest from you, and you are everything.  Thus we remain our biggest distractions.

[laughingwillow]

Right on, sal.

Thanks for adding to this web of a thread.

I find your childhood memories/confusion of name and body to be quite interesting. ANd it sounds like you have been blessed with some beautiful dreams while exploring your inner-workings.

That's a powerful story, imo.

lw