Creativity and Melancholia

[cenacle]

I've found myself over the years going through periods of depression, often after a time of intense creativity. It's like I'll hit a peak after some weeks of working hard, getting writing and projects done, and then little annoying things will happen, one, another, and suddenly my groove is wiped. I'm coming out of one that lasted nearly two weeks. Lost my motivation, became sad. I keep moving, working, interacting, but inside I was sad, and my artistic efforts very much slowed.

I've seen this kind of thing called melancholia, manic depression, bi-polar disorder, depending on if you're talking about Beethoven or Kurt Cobain. Different times call it different things.

There are a lot of imaginative people in our community here, all kinds, and I was wondering how you deal with such experiences, if you have them. There is said to be a link between creativity and melancholia/manic depression/bi-polar disorder etc. Just wondering what others have experienced, and how they respond, and what they think of this topic. Thanks

I'm OK now, but I need to have some encouragement or perspective in my mind for next time...

[judih]

the high obtained from working manically is delicious, but it's so intense because it's got a limited lifespan. When it's over, the body breathes in sweet relaxation but then all those endrophins dry out and the plummet occurs.

When depression first sets in, it helps me to talk about it, write it, keep myself open to letting the feeling form words. When i ruminate, clench my chakras closed, it just all implodes.

for a while now, i feel i've been living with a hole in my heart, its origin many years ago. Now that i recognize it, i'm almost afraid to write. it's too big, and i'm petrified of unearthing my inner raw. (raw for raw not robert anton w)

what to do. it's not bi-polar, it's more an uncharted wave. i know it's not bi-polar cause i can function fine without meds. i still do what i must in my daily life. i don't hide in bed or want to hide. i agree to get up every morning, usually with the best energy of the day cause sleeping revives my hopes.

But then that gnawing certainty of what lies beneath my outer core begins to undermine my facade.

What to do? watch, observe, know that this is me.
look out for any serious variations - super highs, super lows. Sufficiently super to impede my care of myself and my family. If that happens, then it's on to plan B - serious dx and meds/therapy - maybe back to psychodrama on a once a week basis.

next time, ray? ah, the sweet question of when will next time be. It's an opportunity. grab the sensational creative energy and fly with it. the price comes later, but for many people it's simply part of the whole package.

[JRL]

It's real common. I think a lot of artists are clinically classifiable to start with, then the trials and tribulations of the path make it worse.

So the question that gets grappled with, is the suffering  neccessary to create art? I have seen people that seem to create chaos in their lives to give impetus to create. I really don't know any artists that haven't suffered a lot. In shamanic cultures the shaman is usually one that has sufferd heavily and then healed themselves.

In my own experience reating my depression has been a great thing, though sometimes it seems as if my edge is dulled. Nothing comes for free, and the payoff seems to be great. Like my friend Slim Bob once said "I have written enough songs, now I want to be happy" But what actually happened was as his life got better his work grew. His songs became "potent and apealling slices of life" as one reviewer put it, he built a studio and really has become good at making records.

Just some random thoughts to try to help get this thread up to escape velocity.

[Syd]

I don't have much to say on the issue because I think everything is hunky dory and I like to ignore all my emotions, makes me much happier. I just wanted to let you know I'm here for you and I'm thinking of ya. Stay cool brother Ray, don't become lost in the abyss...

[cenacle]

thanks, syd the weird thing is not the high or the low but the transition...i can feel the power to create coming on, and also its opposite when it's that time...

lately, when i was blue, what i felt was fear, but during a 'journey' realized it was a message, from fear itself, that being afraid at that moment was wrong, that i needed to extract myself from it...fear as an allie? i'd never thought of it this way before...

[judih]

fear is a chasm, a deeply hued chasm of unknown depth. Can i look forward to peering inside?
adrenalin rush?
maybe, someday. maybe today. it's a rush just to ponder it.

[laughingwillow]

Good luck, bro. I believe identifying these issues to be an important step in dealing with it.

As far as fear goes, it can be an enemy or ally, depending on how we react. Fear can sharpen the senses. But it can also push us further into the darkness. Our reaction to the stimulus of fear ultimately makes it our enemy or ally. And psychedelics allow us to get up close and personal with our fears, creating an opportunity track our progress through  that specific emptional mine field..

lw

[judih]

mine field it is, lw. well-said.

for the field is mine
mine alone
mine field alone
alone
all
mine field pops like a pinball game amok
my field
mine field
let me find the way

[cenacle]

As far as fear goes, it can be an enemy or ally, depending on how we react. Fear can sharpen the senses. But it can also push us further into the darkness. Our reaction to the stimulus of fear ultimately makes it our enemy or ally. And psychedelics allow us to get up close and personal with our fears, creating an opportunity track our progress through  that specific emptional mine field.

I agree. I've journeyed often to face fear up close, and what's interesting is how fear is not a hustle of some kind, or a delusion. It's seems like a communication from deep parts of the mind, the kind that are not interested in the daily compromises that keep our lives going along, somehow if not best. Fear seems to concern itself with the effects on deep soul, and listening to it, or at least trying to, gives one a perspective needed. Like a wise friend, or a counselor.

[laughingwillow]

Fear is neither wise nor foolish, imo.

Fear is what it is and our reaction to that specific stimuli at any specific point in time can be wise or foolish. Everyone reacts differently. Some thrive under pressure. Some panic. The goal, imo, should be to keep your head and use the fear to focus concentration on the finding a (rational) solution to the problem at hand.

lw

[cenacle]

Well, I simply meant a "wise friend" in the sense of someone smart and dispassionate enough to see the facts clearly, and present them without prejudice. In truth, I don't pretend to understand the fear impulse enough to speak but in speculative terms on it. Sometimes I see it as a friend, sometimes as a dance. I think I work in metaphors like others drink cups of coffee (for better or worse!) :twisted:

[laughingwillow]

I like the topic and hope you don't mind me picking nits...

Unfortunately, fear usually presents itself with prejudice, imo. Its our job to stay dispassionate enough to see the facts clearly and to act/react appropriately.

lw

[laughingwillow]

Speaking of metaphores for fear...

My earliest recollection of fear is an image of piss running down my leg the day I was caught by a teenager shoting peas at his car when I was five... :shock:

lw

[cenacle]

:lol:  :lol:  :lol:

[Stonehenge]

Sometimes exercise will help. Sometimes finding a new project will help. Smoking a little salvia d always works for me. The idea is not to have a trip but just get a buzz off it. Then within an hour like magic things start to look brighter.

I have also found that 5-htp helps a lot with mood. The right dose might be from 50 to 200mg per day. It helps with sleep too. One other thing that gives a boost is resveratrol. This is a plant extract found in grapes and elsewhere. It has many health benefits too. I would not mess with prescription drugs though some of them work. Too many side effects. I only take 40mg per day resveratrol but some people need a lot more for effects.