Poetry/prose/creative writing.

[Intrepid_traveler]

I have been a slender sword
A drop in the air
A shining bright star
A letter amoung words
-6th century bard taliesin shamanic writing

such statements were for a long time seen as poetic bombast, But in more recent times they have been accepted as accounts of actual experiences, when a taliesin speaks of having "been" a sword, or a drop of rain or a star, he means that he has literally experienced what it means to be so completely at one with the things he sees and hears in such a way, that he feels as if he were indeed one of them.

-Mathews; shamanism bible

[Intrepid_traveler]

raindrops
Conscious-being intertwined and bound to the physical machine,Masquerading physicality through the banality of reality, unable to wake from this lucid dream.
by "intrepid_traveler

[Intrepid_traveler]

Since this is also a prose thread, I figured I should include a detailed piece of masterfully creative and novel thought generated by the master of prose, philosophic contemplation and speculation, Mr. Terence McKenna.

Fractal Soliton of Improbability; the demiurge; dual worlds and Greco-Mayans.
So, a few weeks ago I was meditating in my usual fashion, and I began to get this "new idea", which was so weird that I immediately shifted into, "This is not the truth, this is not a transmission about the nature of reality. This is a plot for a science fiction novel that I should write!" I tried to hold that as my defence, that was my shield against the onslaught of this thing.

I've never been one for Atlantis, or Lemuria, all these invisible prehistoric lands and places that people enjoy so much, but I was told a very funny thing, which I will share with you. It's a funny idea. Let's see, how does it go? It has two versions, one of which speaks a scientific language, the other speaks a mythological language. So the scientific language goes something like this...

There's something in the universe called a "Fractal Soliton of Improbability". This means it's a unique event, it only happens once in the lifetime of a universe. You can think of it as a wavelength with one wave; that's why it's called a soliton. These things move, not in ordinary three-dimensional space, but in some kind of much higher spatial manifold. And when they collide with a planet, or when one collides with a planet in a universe, the time-stream of that planet is divided, and two copies of that planet spring into existence, without either having any knowledge of it. It's just something which happens. So, this voice was telling me that this had happened to the Earth, and that this was the secret that we were all striving to understand; that an event in the past had actually divided our time-stream, and that a twin of this planet had come into being in another dimension.

OK, so that's the scientific explanation. So the mythological explanation was, that the universe is Gnostic. The universe is the creation of the Demiurge, not the highest expression of divinity, but a kind of demon, a fallen creature. This Demiurge was able to coax itself into being, actually incarnate into history as a human being. And when this happened, this was the mythological expression of the Fractal Soliton of Improbability. When it happened, the time-stream split. The time-splitting event had to do with the career of Christ, who was an extraordinary manifestation of energy in the historical time-stream; not to be confused with a Buddha or a Mohammed or a Zoroaster, who were great saints—this was something else. It was in some sense what it claimed to be—but in some sense.

So at the moment of—and you can choose either the Immaculate Conception or the Resurrection, depending on which side of the bed you got up on today—at that moment, the time-stream split, and this other place came into being, without having any awareness of it. They were identical at that moment, these two worlds.

What I forgot to say was, this event, the Fractal Soliton of Improbability, has this quantum-mechanical half-charge, so in one of the universes it happens, and in the other universe it doesn't happen. So everything about these two worlds was the same, except in one of them the Immaculate Conception or the Resurrection had not taken place. Now, because Christ had no children, in the world in which he was absent, it was not a genetic line that was missing, it was an ideological line which never received expression. And consequently, as time passed, first decades, and then centuries, the absence of this particular intellectual influence in the world changed the world radically, in the following way: Greek science did not suffer the suppression that occurred with the conversion of Constantine; the Academies were not closed; the Hermetic knowledge was not repressed. Conversely, the Empire was stronger, and was able to repel the barbarian invasions of the 2nd to the 5th century, and mathematics, which had halted in our world at Diophantus, proceed through his disciple Hypatia to develop a calculus by AD 370. So that the millennium of Christian stasis that occurred in our world did not occur in that world.

As time passed, and engineering advances occurred, by around 850 they had ships that were able to cross the Atlantic Ocean. And they encountered the Mayan civilization reaching its fullest flower in Guatemala and in the Yucatan peninsula. In fact, in this vision I saw the Roman Emperor Cosmodorus the Fifth make a pilgrimage to Tikal in 920 to be present at the coronation of a king at the end of Baktun 8. Anyway, this Greco-Roman imperial culture immediately recognized the genius of the Mayans in mathematics and astronomy, and Europe was... transformed, into an amalgamation, a Greco-Mayan civilization, and this civilization continued to develop.

Now one of the influences which the Mayans brought into Europe around the year 950 was their extremely sophisticated psychopharmacopeia, and shamanism. And this mated with Neoplatonism and Hermeticism, so that rather than science developing as it developed in our world, a kind of magical, psychopharmacolytic technology of thought and understanding was what was developed over the centuries. And in later centuries, centuries before it happened in our world, they contacted the Orient, and the dynastic influence of the Sung poured itself into the creation of a global civilization. Such that, by around 1200 AD they were able to land on the moon, and create a cybernetic global civilization similar to the kind we have now.

They continued evolving, with all this psychotronic and shamanically-derived... well, by now you can imagine it was an unbelievably exotic and alien civilization compared to our own. The fruits of their psychedelic and psychoanalytic investigations into higher space was the discovery of our world. They found out what had happened. They figured it out, by studying dreams, and by making deep journeys into the psychedelic space, they were able to discover our sleeping unconscious, with its repository of the legacy of the Christian centuries under the reign of this Demiurgic ideology. And they conceived of the notion of saving us. And it has to do with this whole thing about the UFOs, and influencing dreams, and astral travelling... and the Other Side is actually the manifestation of this bizarre Greco-Mayan, postmodern star-faring civilization, trying to reach across the dimensions to save us from the momentum of our history, by making us aware of, first of all their existence, and also their technology, which is evolving toward a point where I think around the Mayan millennium, around 2012, we will flow past the time island, and the two time-streams will be rejoined. And we will make peace with this civilization that is now a thousand years more advanced than us, with this totally different cultural history, and this completely different take on reality.

So, this came to me in the space of about fifteen seconds...

[A discussion ends in a question about our destructiveness to plant ecologies versus what might have happened in the other world...]

They were developing and exploring technical options many hundreds of years ago, and they discovered the theoretics for nuclear fusion and fission, but they never used it. Until a few hundred years later, one of their great theoreticians—this was after they had discovered our time-stream—made the prediction that the physics of atomic explosions were such that they would cross the time-stream. And so they performed an experiment by detonating an atomic device in what is our year 1907. And this was the Tunguska event! And then, by monitoring the dreams of Siberian shamans, which they had in clear focus, they saw, "Aha! This explosion which we set off actually did occur in both time-streams." And at that point, they became very interested in monitoring our time-stream, because they were picking up the dreams of a Swiss telegraph worker, who seemed to be pushing toward an unimaginable conclusion... So now there is a certain amount of urgency, because if we explode our atomic stockpiles, it will wreck the place that they call Home World. It's not self-preservation, because they now have starflight, and encompass many systems, but preservation of Home World, which on the other side is a vast botanical and ecological preserve from pole to pole. It's a sacred site of pilgrimage; it's the home of the species, the Earth. And the notion that suddenly great parts of it will be blown apart by leakage from hyperspace of one of our atomic wars is impelling them now to attempt to open the doorway, and re-join the time-streams. We'll be allowed a few years inside the botanical park to acclimate, and then most people will ship off for the stars, I imagine.-Terence McKenna

[Intrepid_traveler]

Just when you think life can't get any stranger...

Last night I stayed at home and took MDMA with Ayela, Delilah, and Eliza.

We all gave thanks to have one another, and to be able to be there for one another and we were thankful that we were able love each other.

At least when we are together existence is beautiful, its as if all of the suffering, and and sadness, and hate, and all of the other horrible aspects of existence on earth seem to stop existing, and our space and time is filled with joy, and openness, and happiness, and love, and compassion. When we are together we can be ourselves, we can be open and true without ever worrying about criticism or judgement.

These girls are far more open and adventurous than myself in certain ways, yet I was never uncomfortable, they welcomed me into their expressions of love, and just as they freely and openly accepted me, I selflessly and lovingly accepted them, and fully gave myself to them for that given time.

...what an incredibly strange night. This house looks so normal from the outside, I doubt anybody would ever guess that its been the setting for some some truly bizarre psychedelic experimentation over the years, from shamans holding authentic ceremonies to psychedelic group sex and beyond, this house has been the setting to events that would probably never be believed if accurately recited.

I would gladly give up all of it, give up everything, just to have a chance with the girl from 26th that I have been enamored with...

[Intrepid_traveler]

I'm not necessarily a misanthrope, though I do have many misanthropic tendencies. I would say I "love humanity, but loathe most individual humans"

Is it negative if I'm content existing only with the people I love? When I venture out into public it's a constant struggle to keep people the fuck away from me. I have no interest in interacting with anybody who hasn't "tuned in and turned on" for lack of a better phrase.

...I guess when it comes to ignoring those who only intend me harm, or those who clearly lack empathy and compassion, I'm doing myself a favor, but I keep thinking of that old Leary quote:


Timothy Leary:
"Admit it. You aren't like them. You're not even close. You may occasionally dress yourself up as one of them, watch the same mindless television shows as they do, maybe even eat the same fast food sometimes. But it seems that the more you try to fit in, the more you feel like an outsider, watching the "normal people" as they go about their automatic existences. For every time you say club passwords like "Have a nice day" and "Weather's awful today, eh?", you yearn inside to say forbidden things like "Tell me something that makes you cry" or "What do you think deja vu is for?". Face it, you even want to talk to that girl in the elevator. But what if that girl in the elevator (and the balding man who walks past your cubicle at work) are thinking the same thing? Who knows what you might learn from taking a chance on conversation with a stranger? Everyone carries a piece of the puzzle. Nobody comes into your life by mere coincidence. Trust your instincts. Do the unexpected. Find the others..."

― Timothy Leary

...I'm worried that I might be ignoring some of "the others"

I mean, in my mind I have already found "the others", but I still worry about that individual out there who hasn't.

I was alone for a long time, not alone in the sense that there were no people around me, but alone in the sense that I felt like I couldn't relate to anything or anyone around me. I wasn't necessarily crestfallen with this concept, quite the opposite, most often I would find myself thinking "thank God I am not like them"...

Then for a while I thought that perhaps I could act as a catalyst in transforming others, the idea was simple enough, "give the psychedelics away". ...however all too often I would find that I could induce a peak experience for a person, but that was about it, people could have these experiences and within a matter of days revert back to their old jerk of a self. So I abandoned that method.

At this point, the only people I care about are the girls, appleseed (my chemistry teacher and spiritual guide), and our psychedelic family.

The outside world can say what they want about me, think what they want about me, and even try to brake me, however, at this point they are nothing more than an annoyance, to be tolerated for the times when I have to be around them, but never for a single second could I ever waste even the slightest amount of energy in worrying about these people's thoughts and opinions of me.

[Intrepid_traveler]

I actually miss Her.

Maybe she has vacation days, maybe Her schedule changed so that we Will not be running into one another anymore, who knows, but I haven't seen her since early last week.

Now I'm just surrounded by the people I'm trying to avoid.


I have frequently been having issues with individuals invading my space and intruding in on my sphere existence. I am a respectful and polite person, so of coarse I deploy all of the the tactics which someone with manners would use to keep unwanted interactions at a minimum, yet some people just don't get it.

hee roy kuay!

肏你祖宗十八代 (cào nǐ zǔ zōng shí bā dài)

I miss the mornings of seeing the beautiful brunette from 26th street.

I need to refocus on love.

[Intrepid_traveler]

It's Wednesday.

I really hope the beautiful brunette girl from 26th street is just on vacation, but all and all its more likely that her schedule changed and that I won't be running into her anymore.

...now my morning is devoid of beauty. Her presence alone was enough to leave me feeling great all day.

...now on my morning journey its mostly just a bunch of creepy guys around that I refuse to even acknowledge. I get criticized a lot for it, but I can't stand males, I find nearly the entire gender to be completely repulsive. Even today on the bus some guy sat in a seat by me and I had to get up and move, the male presence induces and intense revulsion and annoyance in myself, its almost torture for me to be around males. Opposites attract, I guess that's how I rationalize it, think of holding to magnets, when opposite charges interact the magnets are drawn together, when the same charges interact the magnets repel each other. Like a magnet I'm drawn to my opposite, females, and repulsed by the similar, males.

In the end I guess these people I encounter on my mourning commute are mere annoyances. Though recently I have been doing far better at dealing with people who I don't necessarily like. I've been happier and feeling better than ever. I can thank my girls for that.

Ayela, Delilah, Eliza, and Melanie have changed my life. I'm still not sure if it was the psychedelic compounds or the group sex while we were under the influence, but ill never be the same. Psychedelics dissolves boundaries and dissolve ego, they dissolve the individual. Now, group sex also dissolves boundaries and dissolves ego, and when combined the experience is indescribable. All boundaries are dissolved, the boundaries between yourself and your partners, the boundaries between waking and dreaming, the boundaries between life and death, and so on.

These girls are far more open and adventurous than myself, specially in terms of sexuality, yet there was never any point where I was uncomfortable. Its not just constant sex, a good deal of the time me and the girls are naked and snuggled up while high on psychedelics, and at times that can turn into sex, sometimes between only two of us, sometimes the whole group. Its a really natural flow of feeling and physicality, nothing is forced, its a really Taoist like style love making.

Its also spiritual in many ways, I was reminded of my karmamudra and tantric yoga and meditation practices only this was with 4 girls instead of one.

...don't get me wrong, I felt as though I had died and gone to heaven, I felt like I was the luckiest man to ever walk on this earth, and I'm still riding an ecstatic and euphoric high from the experience.... ...however, it wasnt a one time thing, these girls do this a few times every few months, and I'm always invited. I actually have some novel psychedelic aphrodisiacs that I can't wait to start experimenting with, as I know the girls will really love these compounds.

I can die happy now, will say that much.

I had been really frustrated in the fields of love and sex, and these girls completely fixed everything, I actually don't think that I will ever be the same.

One of these girls produces, stars in, and sells female erotica from her webcam, two of these girls are a couple, and another of these girls is a meditation instructor who is an expert in tantric and karmamudra practices as well as kama-sutra, and so on... and aside from all of this, as I said, these girls are all INCREDIBLY open and adventurous when it comes to sexuality. People always assume that the male would be the "pervert", when in this case these girls are far more "perverted" than I could ever be.

I owe these girls more than they will ever know, seriously, they changed my life. ...and all it took was my psychedelics and their good loving. ...as well as their friendship, advice, support, and encouragement. Sexuality was the one area that I was never able to fully explore in a psychedelic regard, at least not to the extent that I can with these girls, which is just another reason why I am so grateful to these girls, and why I would do anything for them, I feel like I owe them, even though they don't see it that way.

One downside is that I can't discuss these things, I mean aside from the fact that nobody would believe me I would be judged and criticized, its just not worth it. I guess that's why I have to type here, its the only way I have of venting my excitement.

Another downside is that I'm looking to be in a monogamous relationship with a nice girl that I want to start a family with, and the whole "psychedelic sex with multiple women" deal is a guaranteed way to scare off a potential wife.

Ultimately it's in my best interest to just go about my life without ever saying anything about me and the girls activities.

I'm still looking for a monogamous relationship, I want to find a single girl that I can give all my love to and start a family with, and when I find this girl the only sex I will be having will be with her (unless she wants to bring other girls into it).

I wish I would have said something to the beautiful brunette girl from 26th while she was still around. I REALLY hope she is just on vacation, though for some reason I get the feeling that she may be on a New schedule, and that I won't be graced by her presence again.

...if it turns out that she was just on vacation, and I do see her again, I'm going to just say "fuck it" and talk to her...

[judih]

!

[Intrepid_traveler]

Oh, wow, were you actually reading these?

...pretty weird stuff, huh?

So you can understand why this is the only place that I have said anything about it. Nobody in my real life except the girls really knows.

... though my neighbours and enemies have started referring to me as "Charlie" as in "Charlie Manson" simply because they only see me with big a group of "hippie" girls or by myself... I find it pretty offensive, seriously, I'm not leading anything, if anything these girls are leading me, but whatever, it's really not important.

Like "lucid optics" said "represent yourself not your enemies and demons"

In better news I saw the girl from 26th today! It made my morning!

[judih]

it's all better news.
just takes a bit of joy to transform experience

[Intrepid_traveler]

Yeah, it's strange how I enjoy having the brunette from 26th around, even if I'm not interacting with her.

I saw her again today. As always it doesn't seem like she is ever going to say anything to me.

I think I like it when she is around because then at least the potential that we will interact exists, well, that and I just feel warm and comfortable around her.

[Intrepid_traveler]

...though I still feel I have been fully transformed recently.

I'm not sure if it was the psychedelic drugs or the sex with four girls simultaneously while I was on the psychedelic drugs, but I'm definitely not the same, all for the better I might add.

[cenacle]

sex with four girls while tripping would do something deep to anyone. good on ya, mate. sounds like you needed a lot of what you got. hope it was fun for all!

[Intrepid_traveler]

It was as if I was Dionysus and the girls were the maenads who had just finished running naked through the hills euphoric, intoxicated and sex crazed, to find Dionysus waiting for them, and in their frenzied state they nearly tore Dionysus to pieces during the wild orgiastic love making that ensued.

However...The girls did know that I had been struggling romantically and that I had been somewhat frustrated sexually and I'm sure that to some degree they saw it as giving me a gift that I badly needed.

...I'm built athletically, I'm skinny but incredibly muscular, yet those girl's wore me out, it feels like I did ten billion sit-ups, my stomach muscles ache every time I move, or cough, or laugh. I haven't had a workout that left me feeling sore in years...

In all seriousness, if I knew anybody was reading these posts I never would have said anything about it.

I'm looking for a monogamous relationship, I want to find a nice girl that I can put all of my love and energy into and who I can dedicate myself to fully. I want to start a family with a girl that I truly love and who I can grow old with. ...and talking about "psychedelic orgiastic sexual experiences" really doesn't help me in that area, which is understandable.

I haven't told anybody in my real life. I mean, people know that me and the girls are probably up to some pretty weird stuff, but I still don't feel like going around telling people about these things is going to do me any favors.

...I'm still riding a euphoric high from that night, and I had to say something somewhere, I was just hoping that nobody would read it.

I still have an incredible attraction to this gorgeous brunette girl from 26th street, and I want to focus on her. She is perfect. Most girls have trouble understanding the difference between "sexy" and "slutty", but this girl is naturally sexy while just being herself. Plus, she is responsible, she is hard working, and she has a good head on her shoulders, so aside from being the most incredibly gorgeous and amazing beautiful girl that I have ever encountered, she is also respectable and posses many admirable traits. I always feel warm and comfortable around her, and I would give anything just to have a chance with her.

[Intrepid_traveler]

Though if you have never explored sexuality on psychedelics I highly recommend it.

I thought that I knew the full potentials of the sexual experience before I started exploring sexuality and psychedelics with some of my closest female friends, and wow, it's clear now that I knew nothing.