Ken Gorman - Dead

[laughingwillow]

Where to start.....

Lee's favorite local Denver band, Purple Buddha played in memory of lee. Our friend, stork plays bass with them. Anyway, Purple Buddha put on what some considered one of their finest performances ever. Kate and Mike put together a dvd of still photos  of Lee that played on the wall. Reliving the moments captured on  film combined with the music and sacrament made for a powerful psychological awakening fo me and I will forever be grateful for that.

As far as I can tell, only four of us partook in the serious sacrament . Apparently the rest of the community found the scene too heavy for occasion. But a funny thing happened to me that evening. I had my first full-blown GD experience with a band other than one lead by Phil or Jerry. I can't break the experience down by song, althoug many were dead or Dlyan covers. There was a first and second set and I was carried away for both. I   cried like a baby when ever the spirit would let me up long enough to think about the situation, but most for the experience consisted of  personal lessons  through the memory of my lost friend, lee. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't an easy evening by any stretch of the imagination. I managed to meet and converse with lee's surviving brother who was kind enough to join us for the occasion. And I struggled with some personal demons as well. In the end,  I felt refreshed, at peace and cleansed. But the process was intense and a challenge to navigate.  There were moments of sheer terror and grief that would have been impossible to navigate without my past experience with psychological pressure brought on by the situation and sacrament.

Lee's death has made me change my stance on the use of powerful sacraments a bit. I no longer have a neutral attitude about recrational dosing. As far as I'm concerned, the sacrament  is being abused by many of those with whom we were associated. Fun and games appear to be the desired norm. The fact that most didn't see lee's wake as an occasion for deep psychological cleansing was a little disturbing, but this is an individual path we walk.  However, in the end, other's actions are none of my bidness.

lw

[judih]

as only you could have experienced it and as only you, Lw, could relate it, i listen to your words and feel a cycle of life offered and accepted.

A powerful service created and shared for those who were able. For those who weren't, who knows. Maybe such an evening needs to be thinned out over years of thought and remembering for some folk. You never know where the ripples lead.

thank you for bringing us closer.

[senorsalvia]

Such rites of passing are sure enough a time for looking  inward, for psychological  retooling in retrospect...  Seems I was correct.  On the night  the rememberance occurred, I found myself  assuming the lotus position and envisioning said sevice filled with both Mr. Garcias' magic as well as that of Mr. Zimmermanns'...  I remember, as I let fond and fleeting thoughts of TSTT's postings come to mind, I cried, but it was a cleansing, good sort of tearfullness.  Then, I found myself wondering if our departed brother even cared much for Dylan...  'Tis nice to know all was in order musically....  Yes, it's sort of saddening that there are those that find only the shallow end of the depths of that sacramental river.  My guess is that it's always been the same and will contimue...  Suffice is to know we found  a tribal member here.  A shining spirit.  A positive effect on those whose pathe he crossed.....-----------.......sal

[laughingwillow]

They found Lee on my birthday. That's been a little difficult to process as well.

I thank you guys for being here.....

lw

[judih]

yes, lw. That must have been heart ripping.
i come round this thread for the comfort of being with friends.

This loss has affected me deeply and it's a gift to have this place as a quiet safe spot to share thoughts.

[laughingwillow]

I googled toostonedtotype this morning. While there were some interesting postings on various forums, I never came across his myspace page. I think the video montage had images from that site, maybe. Could you provide a link, sistah?

Btw, I would imagine copies of the dvd  would/could possibly be obtained  in the future by contacting troutie. If he is kind enough to work something out with those interested, I ibelieve it would be worth the effort.

lw

[laughingwillow]

The Love That Never Fails

Devil's tools, not hammer nor nails
Everyone loving feels unnamed fears
Call them hummingbirds, 'cause the real words,
no one can say... hey-hey-hey

Its not why I'm here, its who I'm with
From baby's breath to the rattle of death
I seek the love that never fails
The love that never fails...

Oh, beautiful world! I won't go there
There ain't no room for dreamers in heaven
Silver linings seldom appear -
except in horrible storms

See, its not why I'm here, its who I'm with.
From baby's breath to the Angle of Death
I seek the love that never fails
I seek the love, the love that never fails.

Now, hope's a tricky... A tricky little snare
I'm stuck on the corner of Confused  and I Don't Know
Been waiting for that long long
long  long overdue ride home

See, it's not why I'm here, its who I'm with
From baby's breath to the final kiss of death
I seek the love, the love that never fails
I seek the love... the love that never fails

(Jesus and the firey furnace.
Devil and the  deep blue sea.
God was drunk when he made me,
but tht's okay, 'cause I forgiver him....) Jim White

[senorsalvia]

Duhh,,,,   Sorry for being so slow on the info proccessing Willow...  I wasn't aware 'twas yer B-Day time.....  Yeah, what a mind meld ....  Belated Good Vibes sent to 'ya......sal

[judih]

TooStonedToType My Space URL:

//http://www.myspace.com/toostonedtotype

lw - knew i needed to post this before, so thanks for asking.

long live online traces.

[laughingwillow]

I talked to a friend in Colorado by email last night. According to the coroner, there were no chems in Lee's body except for da kine. Apparently the coroner still believes that Lee died from huffing dust off. I had to google that one. It appears that breathing in compressed air from aerosol cans is a way the the under 15 year old set have been getting their kicks. Heavy gasses settle in the lungs depriving the system of oxygen.  Apparently a 14 year old cops kid died in the same manner a couple of years back. The guy said they found the kid sitting up in bed with the aerosol tube still in his mouth. Killed him instantly. Heart attacks can occur.

lw

[judih]

wow.
The coroner must have had some chemical basis for that dx.

i'm shocked. It implies intention.
How can we ever know?

we can't.

[laughingwillow]

It implies intention to huff compressed air. But that doesn't mean he intended to die from the experience, imo. I've read kids do it to get off and that it sometimes kills them.

I have a tough time imagining Lee huffing compressed air as a psudo-high, let alone doing it to kill himself. But I'll still believe it was an accident if/when huffing dust off is ruled the official cause of death.

It also sounds like the family has hired an investigator to make sure county officials cross all the i's and dot their t's.  That helps a little.....

lw

[senorsalvia]

Over the last several days I have found myself wondering if there was going to be an autopsy, or if there would be some medical examiners inquest establishing the cause of Lees demise....  I felt it a bit too indelicate to pose the question here....  Now, though it appears a cause has been suggested, well, huffing dust-off just seems highly strange... I mean to say that, I can not picture an individual of Lees experience (in matters concerning "A Buzz" ) bothering with something like huffing Dust Off....  It's more or less a quickie mini-high with no real value.  Sort of like a light nitrous buzz.......  I can't see Lee using it as an avenue of suicide either, because it's just not a very effective way to go about causing ones own end.........  Damn, questions abound and all that eh???--sal

[judih]

yes, it helps.
it helps to know that his passing will not be filed quickly in the out pile.

it helps to know that his family needs to find out as much as possible.
i truly hope that something helps to clear up a bit of the mystery.

[laughingwillow]

I have a tough time buying into the theory of foul play. Lee lived with a  male Rhodesian Ridgeback (minus the ridge). And Sport is no coward of a dog.  Anyway, Sport and three other smaller dogs were locked in the house with Lee when James and Broc finally went inside...

lw