First few trips

[rsc]

SALVIA DIVINORUM=181

My first experience with this substance happened today at about 1 pm on August 12, 2006.

Two Tarot cards popped out of the deck as I did a reading to find out how this substance would and the experience of it would affect my life. The cards that came up were The Empress and The Sun. This was after my first trial with it.

I smoked one bong hit. One breath full of Holy Smoke 5x.
 
It was a very positive experience, sort of like pot without the paranoia and tiredness. I first felt very happy. Colors and textures stood out in a vibrant way. I felt that my life as I had previously experienced it was the hallucination and I would now experience the reality. I felt like by body was turning to sand. I stood up to walk and David was laughing. I was talking to him about my experience as I was going through it. I felt like I was having sex then my brain or conscious intellectual mind said, no, it’s just a hallucination. I felt that this was no so much a conspiracy to rape me as with schizophrenia and pot but rather that the fact is that everything has a sexual element to it. A sexual nature. Something I lack in my everyday life .In short, I have no sex life beyond auto erotica. This taboo may be what was revealing itself to me. I have sex phobias.  Being a schizophrenic and overweight with yellow teeth etc.. etc.. I have no healthy sexual activity with others. On L.S.D. when I went insane I had a highly sexual imagery hallucination/dream that made me think I had been raped. This new experience only touched on that experience as if to remind me of where it can go with a hallucinogenic. But there was a different quality. Instead of being torn from reality I was more gently introduced to it. The idea of sexuality soon gave way to a more pleasant, intellectually, experience of being able to experience ideas without thinking about them. Just live in them for a time. Be them, or part of them. The whole experience lasted about ½ hour then gave way to a slight stomach ache. I wanted to then share the experience with others or rather hear about their experience. The internet search I did later would be helpful in letting me know what others experience and see similarities and differences.

Later on that night. I bought 20x for 65$

All the money I had. Smoked two hits. The voices were telling me that the end of the universe had come and we were all going to meet the people we have had a relationship with, all the people we have harmed in the past and helped were going to be there. I saw everything collide into one intricate sexual merger. Everything was interweaving with everything else as if the universe were having one last romp in the hay. It was a sort of bliss. I asked if I could take my margarita with me. One last cigarette. I laughed at my own stupid joke. I got warm and decided that I smelled like I needed a shower. I felt compelled to go outside as well, to meet the people I needed to meet but realized I did not know anyone. I came back inside and took a shower. It felt odd. Like I was outside my body cleaning it. I felt with my hands but I did not feel so much with where my hands touched. I felt “WITH” my hands, that is to say, they felt more than the areas I was touching, like it was someone else I was washing. I did Tarot readings, they said everything was alright. I felt better. Lit a candle and had a smoke and some water. I feel almost normal now about an hour later. It’s now 20 till 9pm on August 12th 2006. I did one last Tarot reading about the nature of this experience the Lust card from the Thoth deck came up. Divine madness, intoxication, ecstasy. I’m playing a meditation cd. It is nice to be alone right now, with my thoughts and with the spirit of this chemical. Divine Mint or Sage or whatever. I should ask the Tarot who is in charge of this experience although I feel it’s me alone. Four of Swords guides, key words Jupiter in Libra, spiritual cleansing, calm, centered. Expansion and Balance. I feel fine now although I really have not felt bad at all, just a little odd.
   I just feel anxiety about spending so much money so early in the month. I will have to do without smokes for some time.  

August 13th 2006
Smoked some 20x last night at about 2:30 am. Something kept trying to pull me out of the room. Voices saying, “the whole neighborhood knows you smoked and are stoned, come see them or meet them.” Something like that. I had at one point had a lit cigarette and it was going to burn up the whole apartment complex if I was not careful, according to the voices. Everything, the cigarette, bodies, people, all swirled into a spiraling mass and I was in it, feeling the cigarette burning my arm, even though none was lit, and regretting smoking it, even though I was not smoking at the time. I was a little afraid but that past into a fascination with the swirling mass. It was over shortly. About an hour later I fell asleep. Had great dreams, although I cannot recall them now. I awoke feeling the effects of the SD. I felt a little irritable, as I usually do upon awakening. Nothing new but a lingering sense that the drug was still affecting my consciousness. .I remembered the sense that I was being watched or that what I did was being noted by some being or beings, some form of consciousness. I sort of enjoyed the experience but was also a little glad it was over soon enough.
   The effects of the SD seem uncontrollable but I’m anticipating that the effects are a little like LSD, that mood prior to taking it and atmosphere while on it all modify the experience. In fact the literature on it and word from the guy I bought it from were that it does in fact share this quality with LSD.
After the experience I put on a subliminal tape for survivors of abuse. Not that I felt abused but it has many positive messages about being safe and loved. I felt this might be helpful in letting me sleep better and awaken feeling less naked. Naked is the feeling I had when I freaked out on LSD and later while schizophrenic.
I’m not afraid of worsening my schizophrenia with SD, mostly because schizophrenia seems more a nuisance to me than a danger at this point in my life. It simply gets in the way of being a functional person but is not something to fear so drastically as society often does. Now I must admit that I have often gotten into spiritual/psychological danger with schizophrenia. I have a few times almost killed myself. But it is also a place to explore, a part of my life to be respected by me.
The question of a healing experience and a spiritual one comes up in the writings I have found on this substance. I feel a change in my everyday attitude right now. I see possibilities of a creative nature. The danger or rather undesirable element of incorporating this drug with a creative endeavor is to simply try to replicate the sensual experience for the audience. Nothing could do it as well as the SD itself. Nothing could be so personal. The idea I have is that writing should be my vehicle. But how do I write in such a way as to take someone into my world for a moment? As for healing, I can see where this stuff could change your whole way of dealing with what ails you and your fear of death or illness. I can also see where it might take you to a place where you don’t want to damage yourself with other harmful drugs like cocaine or speed or tobacco etc. You feel sensitive to your body on this drug. Good for a schizophrenic who is often alienated from his body and other parts of ones self.
I agree with the literature that SD is not a very good recreational drug. It is not very social, or rather one does not feel like socializing while experiencing it. But the ‘spirit’ of the stuff for me was that this consciousness or whatever I feel with it seems very social, like what I have read of water spirits in western magick. Of course much of what passes for western magick is probably drug induced.
I’m having a cup of coffee right now and my belly is a little upset, from both the coffee and I think the SD. It sort of makes a knot in the belly like LSD.
Upon experiencing the SD for the third time I can see why it is ‘spiritual’ to someone, or Divine Sage. One has a sense that the experience is hyper real. One has the sense one is being let in on a secret but that everything is now in on that secret. After the experience is over I felt as though I had hallucinated everything sure enough but that the place it took me has some ‘real’ information and experience for me.
I kind of had the feeling, upon the second smoking, that because I went and asked for this stuff at the store, the ‘secret society’ there introduced me to an experience about the secrets of reality. They were in control of the experience, but they were not just people but rather a society of beings, collectively acting on my behalf to teach me about love and compassion. They were in harmony with each other and I felt like I too was a part of it. It was as if I were being introduced as a member now of the SD society. SD is 23 in numeration by the way, the number of ChYH, Life, in Hebrew. The 23rd path on the Tree of Life corresponds to The Hanged Man and MEM, water. Hence the sacrificial god and water or emotions as well as suspension, meditation, trial etc. The Mandrake comes to mind of course. MYM or MEM, has a numeration of 90. With the 67 for Hanged Man and 12 for the number of the card we have BGN ODN, In the Garden of Eden at 179. With the Spirit of Venus at 175 and the Tarot card associated with Venus being The Empress with DLTh upon it or the 4th Hebrew letter numbered 4 we are again with a Door to the Garden of Eden or the Love associated with Venus and the number 179. Interesting to me but probably not to others. Life and the 23rd path. Make your own Jesus connections if you’re of that mind. H NSYUN is The Trial or The Temptation at 181 in Hebrew.

[lollipop guild]

I could be wrong, but grounding influences/experiences are probably healthier for you than those provoking a disassociative state, such as sally. Forget the goddess, forget the tarot cards, the numerology. Your past experiences with pot and lsd leave me doubting that salvia would be a healthy addition to your already full cosmic plate.

On one hand, maybe sally is helping you open up to what you need to face in your past. Or maybe you're bucking to be the next poster-child for those who believe salvia is dangerous and should be outlawed. Either way, there appears to be some issues in your above post best left to professionals.

guild rep #8