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I can't believe we are dropping the shuttle program due to high operating costs. Nobody but the United States at the peak of their technological and scientific prominence in the global theater could design and build a proper space shuttle, and now we are retiring it, effectively relinquishing our role as the figurehead of human space exploration. Next generation solutions will be developed by the private sector and funded by multinational interests, while the interim is supplied by Russia (of all the places... the very people who we beat in the space race of the Cold War era). With the final flight of Atlantis, we admit more than the fact that our nation is growing poor... We have declared a fundamental change in the power of the American spirit overall.

The mythical namesake for "Atlantis" was a utopian society which had been forgotten under the cloudy unfathomable depths of the sea. A perfect empire, swallowed by the ocean and reduced to historic lore among scholars of antiquity.

How appropriate a name for this fateful vessel...

This is a neat trick someone taught me.

Look up any word with a definition in Wikipedia and bring up the page. Then, click on the first available link within the article that is NOT in parentheses and NOT written in italics. Then keep on repeating this process for every resulting linked page.

Eventually you end up at "Philosophy".

It works so well that it blew my mind. A group of people in an online forum tried to break it and could only find TWO exceptions that loop back to themselves.

judih - Everything is a blur with us right now, but I will definitely keep your advice in mind. Unfortunately, our household is already a very active community. I am sure we will figure something out.

Syd - Hope you caught some mad powder. Thanks for the well-wishes.

JRL - Hey jazzman. Not sure if I am really "taking life by the horns" or if I am just getting swept up in the forces of nature, but everything feels right so I just follow the beat and play along.

laughingwillow - Thanks. Yeah, it's rolling alright - like a bowling ball. I just hope I am the bowler and not one of the pins.

camel - Heheh, I doubt my absence takes much of anything away from this delightful community at the core of things. Thanks anyway though. I have plenty more shit to get together in my life, but I appreciate the sentiment.

You all are awesome and I hope you have a great new year. Some bonus facts to include too. If my kid is a girl, my future wife agreed with the name "Satori". I am very pleased about that. If it is a boy, she selected "Milo", which I am okay with as well because it reminds me of my favorite comic strip Bloom County.

I can never forget you guys, I hope you all know that; And anyone who has been to the edge of the universe should be able to appreciate the significance in that... I was packing the stuff in my studio back in September and when I came across my copy of Siddhartha I had to stop and think about all the things which led up to me reading that book and so many of you were prominently figured amid that montage.

I gotta admit, marriage scares me, buying a house freaks me out, and the mere though of parenthood blows my mind. In spite of all that though, I think I might have found a way to be happy, and I can't imagine how foolish a tragedy it would seem not to at least give it a shot due to what might amount to plain old fear and anxiety.

So long since I have been here. On and off I miss you freaks and the bouts of induced lunacy you recklessly spin into, inspired by varying degrees of existential suffering, spiritual starvation, or plain old chemical decadence. Though most times I an glad for the semblance of stability I have crafted of my existence of late, I do admit to short bursts of memory (as I sit in my cubicle, drinking my coffee, and logging support tickets) of times when I nearly had flung myself off the brink of utter insanity, of moments when I thought I had come into contact with and realized a connection to something beyond the scope of human perception, and even of those horrible horrible eternities when I had to ask myself "Why did I want to come back here... Why did I have to fly so high...?" while my brain sank ever deeper into a swirling misama of endless confusion.

Oh the memories!

ANYway... I did feel the desire to touch base really quick considering all that has happened. The easiest thing to do would be to compose a quick list, so here we go.

- I went back to school, but for professional training rather than for any sort of degree.
- I finally obtained my Microsoft certifications, just as they had revamped the whole process. (I'm an MCITP!)
- I moved (again). This time to Orange County. (which ties in with the next)
- I bought a HOUSE! In California no less... I have little hope however in the housing market recovering anytime soon. I didn't buy it alone though. (which ties in with the next)
- I am ENGAGED! Some of you might be proud to hear that I proposed at Joshua Tree National park, which is a really beautiful and spiritual place. Immediately afterward, we bought a house and suddenly we are kind of glad we did because somethign came up. (this also, ties in with the next)
- I'm gonna be a FATHER! Boy... Life doesn't ever let up, does it? It's just one thing after the other! I just found out this week actually and I was shocked at how pleasantly surprised I reacted.

Having just finished my Cisco training last week, I should be on track to take the exams in January for my certifications. I honestly have no idea what I am doing 80% of the time that this whole process has been unfolding, but somehow it all always seems to turn out just fine so I learned to stop worrying (and love the bomb?). I still work for the same organization doing the same gig, but with my new set of certs, I am hoping I at least get some professional leverage in this rapidly evolving industry.

I hope you all have a happy holiday season. California just about flooded with rain over the last week and many of us are still drying off.

Miss as in they are gone...? Well Wyrm and Eddy are already mentioned, so umm...

Fbetsy and Brown I guess

I still have the feeling that salvia has something to teach about the nature of reality. It has a feeling of something forgotten, often makes me think of being a small child.

I believe the problem one encounters when attempting to describe a salvia induced experience is similar to the difficulties you run into when describing a very vivid dream. Namely, because the memory itself is quickly fading, any efforts made to perceive or articulate what you felt or saw demands that you fill in a number of gaps (which increases seemingly which each passing second) with more understandable and logical data. This results in a majority of the final description being formed with half-truths and imagery which you honestly just make up on the fly.

Because of this, what you eventually are able to say (let alone put into text) regarding the ordeal can feel downright dishonest or simply made up.

link to webcomic about describing a dream

This is not to say that the effort is not worthwhile. We go off on tangents for different reasons altogether which sometimes end up being just as meaningful.

As for me, I won't agree that truly unethical stem cell research would never be more than a hyped-up con game by conservative democratic liars (no matter how conservative they are). I agree though that anyone should not have to recieve such harsh treatment, especially if somebody is never a master medical doctor. If they are just a regular medical doctor and also some type of celebrity politican, then maybe.

So in some ways we are in agree, but in other ways not so truly.

Wow J, thanks. That actually helps me understand a bit, but in an unexpected way.

One thing I like about dreams is how they channel raw emotions and feelings then process the material into abstract messages which express inner fears and concerns that you can bury pretty deep (but can never completely ignore or escape). In your waking world, you have the power to prevent these issues from rising to the surface, but inevitably when you fall asleep the damm springs all sorts of leaks...

Below are three uncomfortable recurring dreams that I have experienced quite often. After analyzing the first two, I noticed that they gradually stopped happening. The third one though is happening more and more and I am kind of at a loss to explain it. Here they are...

1. Teeth falling out

Description: A few of my teeth are loose or crooked and the situation gradually worsens until all of my teeth are on the verge of falling out. They may or may not actually fall out. All of this happens in a manner that is painless, but disturbing.

Interpretation:
- Concerns regarding health and financial stability
- Fears of getting older

2. Running late

Description: I am late for school or work and I am completely unprepared. My homework may be due, there may be an exam that day, or I was scheduled to speak at an office meeting, but now I have no idea how I will get through it. In the end I just give up and accept my fate. I believe I always wake up right before school/work actually begins. It is always a GREAT relief to wake up and realize this was just a dream.

Interpretation:
- Inability to live up to potential or rise above shortcomings
- High ammount of work related stress
- Tasks at work or in personal life are piling up to an uncomfortable or hopeless degree

3. Zombies are after me

Description: In-human monsters that resemble the living dead (zombies) have me surrounded or are popping up everywhere. Sometimes people need my help to escape them, but many of them suddenly turn into zombies themselves after I rescue them. I have no weapons and can inflict no harm to these creatures. Their numbers grow to an overwhelming number until I wake up. This nightmare usually leaves me afraid to go back to sleep.

Interpretation: ??

This is where I need some help. I have been having these very similar zombie chase dreams for a few months now and I have no idea what they mean. Am I feeling detached from life and my environment (a "zombie")? Am I dangerously ignoring buried emotional or psychological issues (the dead coming back)? Am I developing anxiety regarding officeplace politics (friends suddenly becoming monsters)?

Perhaps this is related to our current economic situation in which the death of value within our assets and securities is spreading and overwhelming us...

I understand that these three dreams are quite common, but I can find no real consensus for the zombies.

I agree, all very good news.

The stem cell thing especially, because anything that hinders research in that area is insanity. Human embryonic stem cell technology has the potential to become the greatest and most useful medical breakthrough of all time.

After learning of my native american heritage as a young child, I began to study the history of the north american conquest by the europeans and the virtual imprisonment of the first people. My grandmother's grandmother was carried as an infant from their family home in Kentucky to Oklahoma on the trail of tears.

Wow I did not know that about you... Now I kind of feel like a jerk for always quoting Andrew Jackson.

I was in junior high (now known as "middle school" I guess) when portable CD players became suddenly very popular and I still remember the first two albums I bought because the store clerk (who had just sold my parents the CD player for me) had expressly warned my parents in regards to the PARENTAL ADVISORY warning label. The albums were "Use Your Illusion I & II" by Guns N' Roses.

I have too many favorites of too many genres and sub-genres, but here is one that I noticed happens to reside on all of my MP3 players and USB drives...

"Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots" - The Flaming Lips

I still don't quite understand it as it seems to be about something different every year that I listen to it. I know that it kind of evokes futuristic imagery through a fog of nostalgia.

Elizabeth Warren and the Congressional Oversight Panel have released their third monthly oversight report and it is pretty alarming because it goes into detail over how much the government, and thus the American taxpayers, have LOST due to the Troubled Assets Relief Program (TARP).

Official website of Congressional Oversight Panel

COP Report 3: 2/6/2009 (PDF format)

I am including some of the more significant sections below:

In October 2008, Treasury abandoned its original strategy of purchasing "troubled" mortgage and other assets from the nation's financial institutions, deciding instead to invest money directly into those institutions. The Panel made clear in its first report to Congress and the public, on December 10, 2008, that it wanted to know if "the public is receiving a fair deal" under the TARP in general and for those investments in particular.

The Panel's review of the ten largest TARP investments the Treasury made during 2008 raises substantial doubts about whether the government received assets comparable to its expenditures.

Valuation of the transactions is critical because then-Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson assured the public that the investments of TARP money were sound, given in return for full value: "This is an investment, not an expenditure, and there is no reason to expect this program will cost taxpayers anything." In December, he reiterated the point, "When measured on an accrual basis, the value of the preferred stock is at or near par." This means, in effect, that for every $100 Treasury invested in these companies, it received stock and warrants valued at about $100.

An extensive valuation analysis of the ten transactions that was commissioned by the Panel concluded that:

- In the eight transactions which were made under the investment program for healthy
banks, for each $100 spent, Treasury received assets worth approximately $78.

- In the two transactions which were made under programs for riskier banks, for each
$100 spent, the Treasury received assets worth approximately $41.

- Overall, in the ten transactions, for each $100 spent, the Treasury received assets
worth approximately $66.

Extrapolating these results using appropriate weighting to all capital purchases made in 2008 under TARP, Treasury paid $254 billion, for which it received assets worth approximately $176 billion, a shortfall of $78 billion.

(END SEGMENT)

So in effect, AT THE TIME OF PURCHASE, American taxpayers had paid a premium of close to 45% for assets that Paulson claimed would be inherited at par 1-to-1 value. To quote the words of many a politician and economist... "And you ain't seen nuthin yet!"