Messages

[has to be]

what does "this lady" thinks about going to a "normal" doctor, to see whats wrong?
that would be interesting to get an image of "this lady", because i think its sometimes irresponsible to ignore "worldly" symptomes, and people who talk too much about rebirth, etc, are in my own opinion not so thrustworthy.
will she be responsible for you or what she does with you?
ask her that, and then think about how far you want to give your life in the hands of someone else.

this is not about to make this lady bad or something like this, but you are responsible for your life, so YOU have to decide if you want to try another "spiritual" healing-experience or if you take this problem on a genereal-medicine-way. but however you decide, YOU are the responsible person for any result of that, not that lady or ayahuasca or salvia.
so be sure that you are not trying to lay responsibility out of your hands.

im sure ayahuasca CAN be healthy for a lot of people and a lot of problems, but if someone tells me that this is definitaly guaranteed, i would turn around immediatly and go away.

i dont know.....i still dont get what your real problem is, you should explain that a bit more. like this it sounds real strange and a bit "new-age-freaky".
thats not really my world, but its ok if someone goes fine with that.
but maybe thats your problem, i know lot of people who try every new-age technique and system they find, and someday they are so confused and feel bad, and its hard to find out whats wrong because there are hundrets of different new-age systems in his/her head.
i think this is not really a funny game, this can be drive one to the edge and further, so be carefull with that if you ask me.

it would be nice if you tell a little detailed whats the problem. otherwise my only advise has to be to get real medical help.


MfGuybrush

@LW

yeah, that yould be a good idea too. =)

@alien
hope everything goes fine, whatever you decide to do.
remember that your psyche is a very sensible thing to psychedelic substances, and ayahuasca is that too, remember that by all the thoughts about ayahuasca as medicine.
if you feel that you need medical help, dont experiment too long with different techniques and drugs on yourself. that would be my advise.
i dont want to argue against aya with that, but im a little affraid that you will make the next bad experience and then blame the ayahuasca.


MfGuybrush

hm, i agree with you, that if something is changed in some way you could probably change it back with the same procedre.
but you should have in mind that it also is possible to give you another change in the same way then before. so in your words, you would shift some more dimensions away from where you want to go. =)

principaly i would not advise to do such a fast and shortacting plant (if smoked) to work on specific problems with your mind. for me this would not be a way to work with me. too fast i am in, and too fast i am out again.

i still dont know for sure what you mean with "wrong dimension",
if it is "only" a state of mind wich you want to change, or if it is a state wich is critical for your health. dont experiment with your health (mental or physical)
when the last try was so bad.
maybe it would be wise not to smoke salvia but to chew it?
heard that this is more "pleasant", or other words, it comes a bit slower and lasts a bit longer, maybe this yould be good if you have to do some intensive work with yourself?

MfGuybrush

i dont want to get personal here,
but salvia is (like some other plants/subtances) a very strong, mind-bending, psychedelic substance. and you cannot go out and blame the plant or substance, if you have trouble THROUGH them.

at last, thats why it will be illegal. people play with it, and have bad experiences, and then go public with stories like "thanks ladie salvia, please get my brain back". thats really exact what the news want to show the world about this horrible "new" killerdrug.

see, i dont want to attack you, but you should think about who took the salvia (you) and who is responsible for that (you?)
the plant wasnt shouting "smoke mee pleaseeee" or ?
its hard to hear about your mess, i am real sorry for that, but in the human/plant relationship it should be clear where one stands, and what you tell sounds like the plant took you and smoked you, and now all is fucked up.


MfGuybrush

[real]

im not sure if i understand you right.

you did smoke salvia and had a bad experience?
and you did not came back from that?
like you where still on that "trip"?

(i wonder how you are able to type if thats so) =)

i had a real bad experience with salvia. i read tons of stuff before.
but this experience ended, that was my luck. the next weeks i was totaly confused and really frightened that my mind will not de-stress.
but after some weeks it was getting better and better.

for me it helps to write down what happened. do it as exact as you can remember. after i wrote that down, i realized that some things were not like i had in mind before, and with the process of writing it it was getting clearer and clearer , and simpler. first i could not explain at all what happened, but then it was so simple that i was astonished.

or were you in this "mess" before you smoked s.?
and you wanted to bring things back to normal with this?
i would advise, if someone is in real trouble like that, he/she should not do psychedelic substances without a really good and pro "Plan", and in shamanic context with something like a shaman.

i would only experiement with my counsciousness if i am in a healthy basis, but  if not, i would be carefull to lay my hands on my fragile mind.


would be nice if you could explain a little clearer whats the problem.
(or my english is too bad and i dont understand whats the point?)

MfGuybrush

=)

that would be cool.

meanwhile i made an experiment. i combined some photo-work with some hand-drawed stuff and played with that a little.

the sum is: "Psylousion"
( i will try to give all pictures names from now on, that makes it more arty. =)






MfGuybrush

hope you dont mind...to posts in the row. =)

i found some interesting (hope so) old stuff.
the grafical is not the topic on this one, but the poems.
i made this together with my computer, like some synergetic automatism-work.
i used a nice little tool (ray kurzweils cybernetic poet).
i was feeding it with my mind-stuff and it gave me some lyrical output.
this went on for a time, and i really dont know anymore what came from
 me and what came from the programm. real strange things came out.
 this is maybe 8 years old, and the work was very intuitive and automatic.
 it felt slightly "magical" to do this.
like i was really communicating with the machine. it was telling me things, and i had to sort it, so that i could read and "understand" what it wanted to tell me.

so i really like to know what you think of this.

i took the6 poems wich i liked the most and put them in some grafical
 context. so here are the six poems/pics. i put the original text under
each picture, because sometimes its hard to read in the pic.

i called these sequence of 6 pics/poems "cybernetic squad".

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Code Select Expand

THE GAME OF MYSELF AND SOFT SHAPES

when its dark  desire
admire to  make
mistake,
          the machine has gone
          too far
          from the realm.
i'm into the state of the truth,
will run the game,
the  level of  myself.
      look around the sky,
      invoking  the big 3.
      blood  did not run along this world ,
                              the mind of oxygen .
my open mind might mistake ,
but you should not mistake me.
my  roots makes me growing.
   you're from the two souls
   from which all  of the  3 came once.
                           there's more to say ,
                           more that I couldn't do,
                                                     that is true.
                                                     truth is my fault.
                           yet I love to talk to  you
                           you know  that nothing
                           names the tides of our  observer .
otherwise our  partial love
is more than play a soft parade
                 of light
                 of anticipation
                                       that's when the game is over.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Code Select Expand

THE THREE SOULS

thousand languages ,
                      its itself ,
                      immortality
insects represent
the   dead of  all Life
                      it shall appear a  aureola
                      and  all will
                      melt together.
dead is not
                     an architect plan.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Code Select Expand

THE ABSORBER

machine-like
      melting lava
            by-passing my consciousness

energy
   tightly runs out
        to the stratosphere of God
              and  peace embraces you
    grow into my head
again

human-ressources
     hungry for the masses.
            soul of the universe
                  the rhythm of the collective
is feeding the core of  absurdity

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Code Select Expand

THE SILENCE IN THE BROKEN BRANCHES

             forevermore,
let my new joy will be suitable.

        strange  hope of hollow,
                            I remind you.
        I -  the  you !
remember -- yet,
                      but love you -- past ;
                      a small  wonderful smile,
sleep while fragile life looped.
                      again and again.
                      age of the empty  sea,
praxinoa
                      --You are north !
                                    look at the satyr ,
                                    It will awake him .
Since you could be -
for that I am.
                                     alone  by the vivid sky;
                     --and south,
my soul is two-edged !
                            of gold !
                            Of my body's house.
incarnate the lie ,
awake the evening star,
                                 -- he
                                 who have the strength .
watch the  line.
learn  to open the  gate.
          change your light
                                  looking for
praxinoa

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Code Select Expand

THE STRANGER

              ...car would visit us
              we saw the lead.
You told me
               and
               we can be.
                                   started to  laugh !
later we moved
    to years ago,
           We took along
                     Four of it.
searching
                     the age  car ,
would it cost me close my head.
                                          we  will
                          always love you.
a few know
                          where  we wait ,
                          everyone believes answers .
I lay down south
       in a newborn song
                                         Go off to fight the lead.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Code Select Expand

THE OTHER SIDE OF THE THEATRE

the game is my fall.
         recall  back to Juno's
         jaws.
a golden  Trojans flow;
All to die,
         doom -
                       kingdom
                       ilium my pious mind,
And my hidden treasure
                       left behind.
black eyes  
                       seeds
                                     sulphur
monstrous  lunar ,
                     whatever their tongues told
behold of  thyself .
                       fate
                       hate
                       the tyrians are thirsty .
pollute their crown
crack the  strange image
                                 twice
                                 their  choice
                                      was weak !
will you believe
                                 because  hope is driving you ?
humankind was  betray'd
                                                       distracted.
wrathful gods behold thy declining town.
                                       trance is your state !




MfG
Cybernetic Guybrush

=) thanks.

the stuff on aya is nearly all the same (there is only one more digital here - and the canvasthing)

the canvas was created to a time where i went to psytrance-parties alot.
i made some uv-deco for parties 10-12 years ago over here in germany(hamburg). but then i stopped beeing "arty" for a while. =)
now i do mostly digital stuff. i have some old handmade things, but the most are a bit strange. i will look for them, maybe there is one more i can show.

and..i had a website, with some friends, we where trying to start something like an art-collective. i did a lot of things that time, and i was doing the page with php, wich i started that days. (but stopped a year later =(
but the page wasnt on for long. mainly it was only me who made monthly artwork.

since then i dont have a page, but i think about it often. but time....is so short... =)
maybe i have to give it a try again.


(i have a small (german) page, but thats for my "musical" work. but there are only two handfull songs, and its kinda noisy and freaky. =)
//http://flshp.synaptic.is-a-geek.net/
but its not online all the time... so if you want you have to try until you reach it.


here are 2 more digital "dark" pictures






MfGuybrush

=)

nice to hear that.

here are some older pictures, not done with photos but with hand-drawings in the start. but then i photoshopped alot with them. =)










and finaly one hand drawn on canvas, about 1,5m x 0,8m




MfGuybrush

thanks!

the original photos where indeed very organic. most material of photos was pictures of rainforest and other plants. =)


MfGuybrush

one thing about salvia i see and hear very often:

a "turning", or spinning. like the body is twisting as i wrote.
and that spinning is peeling you off from the reality, or something like that.
like the spinning is detaching one from the reality.
heard this "feeling" about the spinning-thing very often from a lot of different ppl.

its not a simple turning around an axis, but a twisting. simple turning would not be so "stressfull" as this hard body-twisting.

and all my "visions about a spinning cylinder (i was part of that, or that of me..), the carussel, the candy sticks that was painted with red/white twisted lines...very much spiral-twisting with salvia. =)

MfGuybrush

trust you on the mixing thing?

yea, so now you have to edit your post. =)

oops, sorry for that, thanks that you mention it. i edited the line. i was talking about what i would like to do theoretical of course.

im not sure if i would like to mix salvia and dmt. maybe if i know both substances more. but it feels that this 2 substances are very different, and maybe its very irritating.

but who knows... =)
i think, because salvia is chemical totaly different from all other entheogens, that its special in a way, and you should not mix it.

anyone ever tried this mixture?
would be nice to read something about it. =)


MfGuybrush

hi!

i spend lot of time doing some art (grafical and musical).
after my first dmt-smoke i went to make some digital pieces with photoshop.
its not really what i saw, but i tried to get some influences from it,
but i went far on with photoshop.

im not sure if it is interesting and in the right place, but ill post it here. =)

so there are 3 pics (from a dozen more in this sequence - but this 3 are the best ones)








MfGuybrush

***btw:
the 2. one is upside down. only for fun and because i work on a row of images for hours and save very often to get some evolving pics. but i tired to flip the 2. so they look not too similare. (and i could not decide wich was i like it more =) - but i like the first one the most.

i posted this images on aya.com, and there was one guy suggesting me to make an animation with all the saved pics from one sequence.
maybe i will try that, but i am looking for a nice little morphing-tool to do that. (want to morph from one to the next till end of sequence)

that should be a tool where i can load several (more than 2) pics in it, and morph between them.

anyone got a suggestion for a tool that fits my idea?

thanks willow. =)

the more i write/speak in english, the more i remember.
i was not speaking english the last years so much.
i am surprised who "easy" it comes back.
i cannot speak like i think, because so many words i dont know the translation.
but thats only a matter of time i hope.


i did not plan to open my eyes, but in that moment i was happy that i remembered to open and break. so i was shocked that it did not work.

i forgot to tell:
i smoked some salviaa few weeks later, but not such a big dose.
i came back to exactly the same "fair" with the gnomes and carussels.
but the bodyfeeling did not went so far as lat time and it was very mild and "pleasant".
i wanted to say that because i read often, that with salvia you can come back to the exactly same place as you where before.
(like some say with dmt too)

but the second time salvia was a bit strange, because i had some ketamine too. very interesting mixture. =) but not do advise a purely synthetic stuff with the plant.

i think alot about to do another salvia-experiment the next time.
i have smoked some dmt some weeks ago, but without breakthrough.
but it was very different till that mild state though.
if i had one very little dose of dmt in the freezer, i would think about doing it again. but i am would be waiting for some freetime with "free mind" to do that. it had to be the perfect time, because it would be the last dose, and i dont know how to get new stuff, except to make an extraction (if it where legal of course. so this is only theoretic). but anyway, this is not about dmt....

i want to visit the salvia-reality again, this time with a big dose again, to see if i can be more prepared this time, and do not panic again. so maybe i can go through that state and look whats behind.

salvia is a very strange and special plant. dont know how to categorize it next to all the other entheogenes. but i feel that its a one wich could be quit "teachable" to me as well. (if someone likes the old teaching-methods with lots of discipline and pain. =)


i will try to let my eyes closed, maybe the opening was a too harsh break, and maybe that was the fault wich lead to the "accident".
(i would have to stand this body-feeling to go through it. but hey...its only a body-feeling at all =)
(in realtion to the state in wich i was after that, the body feeling was very pleasant and should be easy to stand.)


ah...and...
i was very very very... glad that this experience was such a "short" one. for me, mentaly it lasted nearly eternal, but in realtime it was only 10 minutes. i dont know how much more time i could have done that without permanent damage to my mind.


MfGuybrush